Walter and Deborah sat in a conference room. Deborah had a mug of mint tea. They stared at the big screens, which had a large picture of a city. Walter had a laser pointer and was narrating what they saw.
“Over here, they are assembling chariots. This building is very warm, the temperature of the roof is 78 °C. I suspect it is a forge. You can see that here are wheels. These are the bodies of the chariots. Here are some finished chariots”
“How many have they finished?”
“I count 122. Over here they have horses”
“How many horses”
“258”
“That is one shitload of shit”
“I’m sorry?”
“Horses have very inefficient digestive tracts compared to other herbivores: they produce a lot of feces. Shit is a vulgar expression for feces. I’ve personal experience cleaning up after horses.”
“I think it is safe to conclude that Hazor is preparing for an offensive war”
“Why offensive?”
“If they were preparing for a defensive war, then they would be building up their walls, digging moats, building watch towers. A chariot is a weapon you take to your enemy.”
“At current buildup rates, how long would it take to build 900 chariots?”
“Less than a year”
“What do you suggest?”
“We contact a military leader in Israel and tell him to prepare an army.”
“We need 10,000 men”
“How do you know?”
“Because the Book of Judges says so”
“That may be hyperbole”
“Well, we need to talk to the military leader. I know his name is Barak ben Abinoam, and he is roughly south west of the Sea of Galilee.”
Deborah and Walter walked into the camp. There were many tents. There were men exercising and attacking one another with sticks.
“Who are you?”, one of the soldiers asked them.
“I am Deborah bat Sarah, the Judge. I am here to talk to Barak”
“He’s busy”, the soldier said.
“I’m busy, too. That’s why I want to talk to him now”
“Go away, woman. War is for men”
“Do you really think that war is only for big, strong, young men?”, she said as sweetly as possible.
“Yes, now go away-”
He found himself on his back on the ground, with a sword at his throat.
“What happened?”, He asked.
“You insulted me. I don’t like being insulted. It makes me angry. You do not want to see me get angry. When I get angry, I kill people. I’ve already killed 12 armed men, killing one more does not trouble me. I told you I was Deborah the Judge - now do you understand why I am the Judge?”
“I’m sorry”
“Do I get to see Barak?”
“I will take you to him.”
“Alright. Remember, if I get angry, I kill people. Understand?”
“Yes”
She released him. He got up, slowly and carefully. He led them to a tent.
“Barak?” Deborah asked.
“I am Barak”
“I am Deborah, the judge”
“What are you doing here?”
“It is time to go to war against King Jabin of Hazor”
“We’re not ready. His general, Sisera, has iron chariots, and all I have are foot soldiers.”
“I think you have about a year to get ready. My friend here, Walter, will help train your men. The Lord will grant you a victory”
“You may be a woman of God, but I am a soldier. I will not go unless you go with me”
“I will go with you, but there will be no honor for you. The Lord will deliver Sisera into the hand of a woman”
“Barak”, the soldier said, “Listen to her. I insulted her, and she got angry, and pushed me to the ground. She would have killed me with a sword, but she had mercy”
“Is this true?”, Barak asked.
Suddenly, Barak was on his back on the ground, looking upwards at Deborah, Walter, his officers, and the soldier. “Yes, it is true”.
“I could teach you and your mighty men how to do that”, Walter volunteered.
“I would like that”, Barak said. Deborah released him, and Barak climbed back to his feet.